Jon Stewart Explains Why His Name Is in the Epstein Files

Jon Stewart delved into the newly-released batch of Epstein files on the latest episode of The Daily Show, noting that it feels like this has already happened.

“Yup, it’s Groundhog Day,” Stewart said. “We call it Groundhog Day because this is the day when Donald Trump sees Epstein’s shadow and we get six more weeks of not knowing who any of the co-conspirators are in this multinational sex trafficking case. And, also, because Punxsutawney Phil is all over the files.”

He added, “The point I’m trying to make is the Epstein files thing? We’ve been through this before.” Stewart then playing several news clips that wondered whether the documents would “break MAGA.”

“The chances of this breaking MAGA are actually worse than Trump just lowering the age of consent to be done with the whole fucking thing,” Stewart added. “Which is not to say there isn’t awful shit in this new Epstein dump.”

The late-night host recounted some of the names in the new files, including Steve Bannon, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Brett Ratner, Prince Andrew, and Richard Branson. Donald Trump’s name, of course, was also in the files with “thousands of mentions.” Stewart admitted that he himself is in the files.

“This is actually true,” he said before explaining why. “I take you to the scene. It is midnight. Aug. 29, 2015. Jeffrey Epstein lies wide awake, his mind turning with ideas. He jots a quick note to a producer named Barry Josephson, saying, ‘I suggested to Woody [Allen]’ — y’all know which Woody, right? It’s the Epstein files, it ain’t Harrelson, or the cowboy from Toy Story. You know which one — quote: ‘I suggested to Woody that he do an exclusive new standup routine for either Apple TV or Amazon.’”

He continued, “Oh, Jeffrey Epstein always had his finger on the pulse of what America was clamoring for in 2015. But Barry Josephson, thinking like the out-of-the-box television professional that he was, pitched this idea. This is true, quote: ‘Make a true biographical experience with his standup being the capper. Somebody like Jon Stewart could host/narrate the biographical part.’”

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Stewart added, “Excuse me? I am offended. Somebody like Jon Stewart, or Jon Stewart? My point is, do I have the offer, or is this an audition?”

Despite the breadth of new information, Stewart reminded there are still many more files yet to be released. “Look, man, we always knew that the people at DOJ releasing these documents weren’t on a fact-finding mission; they were running interference,” he noted. “And the guy they’re running interference for seems very satisfied with these results.”

Stewart concluded his monologue by comparing the lack of legal accountability for those named in the Epstein files and Trump’s current ICE takeover. Despite all of the information about notable public figures in the files, there is nothing that could lead to a prosecution.

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“Nothing has happened to any of them,” Stewart said. “Oh, except Prince Andrew… I’m just not sure anybody is going to be held accountable for any of this.”

He continued, “After watching the politically well-connected skirt any form of legal accountability for horrible fucking crimes, it seems pretty clear to me that there is a sanctuary city in this country,” Stewart said. “But guess what, this kid don’t live in it. The real sanctuary city is where money and power protect you from the consequences of sex trafficking, or influence peddling, or taking half a billion dollars and giving away America’s AI infrastructure. Not the small Midwestern city where trying to help a lady get up after she gets maced gets you shot in the back of the fucking head.”